One foot in front of the other

Where does one start?

As a new parent, I could have told you within 24 hours that my first born was a strong-willed child...As he grew, so did his sweetness, his smiles, his body, his personality...and his will. But what happens if it just isn't personality? What happens when it goes beyond strong-willed? What happens when the parents realize, "My kid isn't growing out of this?". It becomes time to see the doctor, and another one, and another one, and another one...then a variety of specialists: the play therapist, the Occupational Therapist who specializes in Sensory Integration, a Speech Pathologist. And the mother looks at herself and says, "What did I do? Was it that I didn't discipline him in the right way?"..."Should I have done this, Could I have done that, What would have happened if...". Basically, "What did I do?". It is one of the most painful, heart wrenching things in the world to look at your offspring and think, "There is something going on, but I don't know what it is. I just need to help him, but I don't know how".

I have had to endure teacher's comments, helpful friends' observations, stares in public, input from strangers. Not to mention the psychological bashing I give myself every day.

Fast forward to age 6...after numerous doctors visits, we finally found one who would actually take the time to sit with us and talk. The end result, our little guy has ADHD plus...plus what? The missing link. Part of it is a Sensory Integration Disorder. He just doesn't process the world the way people typically do. ADHD doesn't always stand on its own. There are a ton of co-morbities...sounds dire, but it just means that other issues go along with it. FWIW, I really think the SI issues are impacting him the most. And yes, we're going to therapy.

Anyhow...socialization..perhaps one of the most painful things we are going through as a family. We just can't pick up and go somewhere for fun. Going outside to play with the neighbors can become a fiasco. Having had to endure the stares and comments from both adults and children, after awhile the house seems pretty safe. Safe. I just can't explain and convey the stress I undergo as we are heading outside to simply interact with familiar people.

I think the most painful aspect of our situation is the other children. My kid truly enjoys playing and running around outside and just being a child. But he can be so "prickly" when it comes to interacting with his peers. From tone of voice, choice of words, body language, low frustration threshold (so instead of using words, our hands or feet work better)...it can be pretty off-putting for other children. I don't blame them. I see the looks they give him, I hear comments, and I can see their confusion at his behavior. Its all very understandable from their perspective. But he is mine. And he becomes a target for teasing. And the cycle starts again. Inside is so much safer.

I've learned from the past experiences, that large unstructured group play doesn't work well for my guy. One on one with a peer is best. Team sports are a nightmare. I now need to look for something he can do individually like swimming (in a very warm pool), or music. Regular old day camp for this summer? No Way. I've turned in an application to a camp that specializes in working with kids with ADHD, SI, and other issues.

For all of my whining...we are blessed. He is a loving boy, who is so happy to have a younger brother, he enjoys his family and going to see them. And he is healthy. But there are days and at times a few days, that turn into a week like this past one...and all I want to do is take two Ambien and go to bed.